Wineass - One Line Wine Reviews » Podcasts

2003 Cline Oakley 5 Reds

Jason — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:07:15 +0000

Like prunes and a brand-new roll of 3M masking tape–still wrapped in plastic.

Wine thought of the moment

Jason — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 03:10:51 +0000

Can you really taste 1%? Like, can you really tell the difference between an 89 and 90-point wine?

2006 Summerland Pinot Noir

The Wineass — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

burnt dark cherries with a lemon wipe finish

Episode 132: 2004 Montevina Barbera

Adam the Tech Monkey — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:15:12 +0000

We don’t know what a Barbera is either. We had high, high hopes for this one. On first taste, it was a helluva wine. “That’s a two-ton motherfucker, the whopper flopper, it’s got a whole lotta shit going on. I could see that going well with spicy and weird food. This one kicks ass.”

But on farting, this wine lost a whole lot of what was cool about it in the first place. “That lost a lot of weight and a lot of personality.” We thought it was gonna be a 4, but after farting, it was scraping to be a 3. If you’re gonna get this one, DO NOT let it fart (or breathe, as the real connoisseurs say). Drink it right away!

We paid $7.99. Get it at Mad Wine.

Episode 131: 2006 Mesta Tempranillo

Adam the Tech Monkey — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:15:14 +0000

What’s a tem-pra-niL-oh? We don’t know, either, except it’s from Spain. The Donk used his flower-pot glass on this one, after a brief argument about whether or not it was a glass. “When you drink out of it, it’s a goddamed cup!” he said.

About the wine: “It’s a twangy fucker, you get the warm and twang on this one. Sweet’s medium, heat’s medium-high . . . Mister Tem-pra-nil-oh is good for about a second, then it just becomes dry . . . twang, kool-aid, twang . . .” In other words, we’ve had better.

We paid $5.99. Get it at WineChateau.com.

Episode 130: 1999 Changyu Cabernet Sauvignon

Adam the Tech Monkey — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:15:22 +0000

China attacks again! “This is one-hunnert-seventy-five thousand mile transmission fluid,” said the Grapedonk. “Ashtray and coffee grounds,” he said, on first taste. “It’s like that stuff you have to wash out of the bottom of the trash can, the stuff that sticks.”

Needless to say, this wasn’t our favorite wine. It wasn’t so terrible that we’d spew it, but there are a whole lotta things going on that aren’t real pleasant. But hey, the Donk kept drinking it, all the while complaining that, “It ain’t even in orbit around the concept of good.”

We paid 46 yuan. Get this on your next trip to China!

Episode 129: Bohae Bokbunjajoo

The Wineass — Fri, 25 May 2007 16:15:53 +0000

If you ever wondered how grapes can ferment into something that tastes totally unlike grapes, get this: a Korean black raspberry wine that tastes just like grapes.

“Smells just like Hi-C, or Welches Grape Soda,” the Donk said. “There ain’t no raspberries in there at all.” On tasting, he said, “This tastes exactly like . . .” and he held it out. “It tastes . . . exactly like grape Tang,” the Unseen Voice said. He hates grape. Go figure.

We paid $4.50. Get it at Wing Hop Fung.

Episode 128: 2004 Santa Ema 60/40

The Wineass — Wed, 23 May 2007 16:15:40 +0000

60/40—is it a wine or a can of oil? The Donk got it right away. It’s a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot. “Smells like a cigar,” he said. And then he broke out, “The Cup.”

“What’s that? A fishbowl?” the Unseen Voice asked. You could pour almost the whole bottle in the glass. “Drier than a popcorn fart, got some serious bell pepper action going on, burnt cherries, grips up pretty good, now I know what a dog feels like when it drinks outta the toilet.” Compared to a small cup, the Big Cup worked better.

We paid $6.99. Get it at CostPlus.

Episode 127: Lot 71 Frontier Red

The Wineass — Mon, 21 May 2007 16:15:17 +0000

We cheated. We admit it. We had high hopes for this one after tasting Frontier Red at the Loose Goose Wine Festival. But that was Lot 61. This is Lot 71. And that’s enough to make all the deef-or-once in ze world.

“It’s got Davy Crockett on there,” the Donk said. “And a cap.” On tasting, “Grape cherry kool-aid without the bite, and it’s a twangy SOB. If you sat and ate a bunch of Jolly Rancher candies, this would be the aftertaste. A bunch of Jolly Rancher candies come stampeding through like an infomercial.”

We paid $8.99. Get it at Wine.com.

Episode 126: 2003 Adelaida SLO Zin

The Wineass — Fri, 18 May 2007 16:15:38 +0000

“This is definitely an elbow-the-chick-in-the-tit corkscrew,” the Donk said, opening this wine. “Knock that knocker right off’er.” Yeah. We know. He is what he is.

“That a woody mofo,” the Grapedonk opined, on tasting the wine. But this was a good thing: “It has a really neat twangy candy thing, wet wood, raisin plum, real heavy elements, fresh tobacco and spice.” Yeah, it’s complicated. But it didn’t have any bad stuff in there. Well worth a 4!

We paid $18. Get it from Adelaida Cellars.